when the stars go blue
"Be patient with all that is unresolved in your heart. And try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek for the answers that cannot be given. For you wouldn't be able to live with them. And the point is to live everything, live the questions now, and perhaps without knowing it, you will live along some day into the answers."

-Rainer Maria Rilke
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a couple of days ago i pleaded to some imagined entity for infinite wisdom.

today i spent 10 or more hours studying near death experiences. i'm pretty sure that i'm set for life.

i cannot tell you my answers because perhaps they are not right for you to know. i cannot tell you what you have to ask for yourself. and anyway, you wouldn't believe me. people only trust and love what knowledge they seek themselves.

i can say that what it amounts to IS love. crazy love. love for everything.
selfless, incredible love. timeless, uninhibited love. it's hard for me to fathom, but it's what we need. love for everything because it's all connected, flowering, shooting pollen everywhere, sprouting cells and then life itself. and we as humans are only one example of the nature of things, ripe and unpredictable things, weightless and all-encompassing ideas that we search and do not completely reach in this body.

i want to know so much about the universe and it's aeons that it scares me.

i want to learn how to go places in true dimensions and help people understand the felicity that is outside of our current truths. i want to know truth. i want wisdom, more and more of it.

i am going to practice using more of my senses.
knowledge is ecstasy (and it's powerful).

i want to let GO. i really do. let go. transform my mind. do things.
and study more spirituality.
and trust my intuition more.
and less.