The Sunny Side

A letter to myself at twenty.
Dear Shawna,

Today you will think you are wise and know the truth, but tomorrow you will find something else to appease your emotional appetite. It isn't relevant whether they are universal truths or personal addendum's, or if they come easily or haphazardly, dashing in from the sides and swelling up in your soul like yeast. You will never find solace in the answers you produce, because you are unprepared to surrender to them. You will always search, infinitely, for the better possibility or the wider scope. You aren't the sum of the calculations of your mind. You aren't your immediate surroundings or the religion you hold. You aren't the places you've been or wish you were. You're twenty, and you have a lot to do with your life. You have to remind yourself that you create your experience and own up to it. You have to remind yourself that time is fictional. What you think this moment is wholly more important than what you wish to do in your human experience. There should be no staggering questions, only growth.

What you are is an atom in your own paused universe. Multiply years exponentially, you are still invisible to the naked eye. You are nothing more than part of something that IS importance, unity. If you are blindsided today by your ego, you have still used this day toward the growth of God's plan. You are neither bad nor good. Judgement is a concept; once you allow yourself to feel that, then you can create and produce and experience what you want. Most days you will not fully align with your own good intentions; but if you give up the fight for it, you will fill your spot in the world more aptly. You have to learn that you don't have to identify with the onslaught of ideas merging and regenerating in your brain. You can choose to believe in only the things that allow unconditional, binding love. You CHOOSE to BE love. You want it. There is no dividing line between negative and positive, but what you create. You can measure what is right by how much understanding it opens up to you; although, it needs no measuring.

You have to learn that you are always being taught. You have to allow yourself enough silence to experience your spirit honing in. You will never honor that silence-- your true self-- if you continue to worry that you can't retrieve it. Silence is your nature; searching for it is searching for the grave where your bones lie. I'm talking about stillness in your presence, a place where your mind rekindles its light, its life. You have to quit comparing what truths you find in this state of presence with the collective sanity of the world. You don't have to keep to yourself what truths arrive to you here, but what is more is that you should encourage others to pour themselves out in their own silences.

You have to only speak when you are convicted that it is only truth spilling from your mouth. That is a very important thing to remember. You have to stop trying to fill the proverbial gaps and distances between yourself and others with words that hold no value or even disrespect your true intentions. This may mean that you will think of yourself as seperate or even of a higher mindset than others; that is your ego talking. Learn to ALWAYS question your ego! Catch negativity before it catches you. The ONLY truth that you are completely aware of is that you are a part of every living thing, as they are you. The seperateness is a lie created by the ego. Therefore, silence may mean more true connections. You will notice more beauty that way.

It doesn't really matter if you never create great, poetic works of art, or if you never travel to a third world country and presumably live freely. You can be free wherever you are. You are beautiful because you were created by God; in this way you are a work of art. Try to remember that you will never fully understand that at its indelible capacity in this lifetime. You just have to become and live that statement as if you have always and always will know that statement's integrity. You have to remember that we were put here to exist, it was only over aeons that humans found that boring or hard to fathom, when we started to philosophize God's plans and then even God's mercy and then even God's existence. You have to believe that even our questioning of God (and even our language to denote a name to God) is a part of the divine breadth of functioning.

You are twenty years old, but in your soul there is no significance of age. You choose the wealth of love available to you. You choose your purpose, as you choose your imagination. Just make sure you are always exactly where you want to be and all else will be disclosed.

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